R A N T

Sorry peepo. Another rant here D:

This blog has became a place for me to release all my anger, frustration, sadness, emotions...

In a nutshell,

RUBBISH DUMP.

haha kidding! :p

But seriously.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda stressed, and emotionally, I don't feel really well.

I'm tired of smiling everyday.

I'm tired of trying to be the perfect friend.

I'm tired of telling people I'm fine.

I'm tired of helping people wether I want it or not.

I'm tired of letting people down.

I'm tired of life.

I'm tired of people telling me what to do.

I'm tired of receiving glances from people judging me.

I'm tired of comforting myself.

I'm tired of staying strong.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired of being who I am.

I'm lost.

Broken.

Hastily trying to patch myself up before anyone sees my brokenness.

A desperate cover up.

A plastered smile.

So frail and fragile.

Slight push and I fell.

Pieces broken into smaller fragments.

The cycle continues.

Sighhhhhh.

Okay I know I sound dramatic.

Sorry :p

I might have exaggerated a LITTLE BIT

But I did feel so much better.

I seriously don't know how to talk and express myself to people.

I am much much better with words.

But yeah this isn't much.

My English isn't perfect yet I have to strive harder.

It's still a long way to go but

I NEED TO HAVE GOOD ENGLISH.

It is my dream kay, don't judge me.

And talking about English, my essay got a (sort of) GOOD! from my super crazy strict brainless crappy English teacher.

It is a compliment no doubt.

But I don't know am I supposed to be proud or not.

On a different topic....

I received amazing presents from my beloved friends this year!

Thanks everyone :'D

I felt really touched.

And now I've started to worry what can I do to repay all that *boohoohooohooo*

Yuppppppp gotta stop now.

Feeling sleepy.

Nights people. zzZZ

ps. I know its not night yet. But I'm sleepy and tired.

Badabing badabum

Hahaha my title has no relation to what I am about to post.

In fact, it does not relate to anything!

Just random as usual.

It was a wonderful weekend for me. With my church loves ♥

Want a little introduction to who are my loves in church?

Like it or not I'm posting it :p

i don't mean to be mean ,

but i don't love every single one of them. A few la haha :p

but these are the people lo. What wonderful memories i have with them ! ♥

just overall, i had an enjoyable weekend. Everyday was used to the fullest and it was very meaningful and fruitful :)

i wish i can graduate faster and quickly get to drive :3 

so i can go to church everyday and see my besties and everyone i love !

omg i feel so loved. I feel like loving people too haha.

want some of my love too? ;)

PUMPED UP

Gonna work hard and be better than this *.*

Oblivion.

Another update. Am I gonna update every day from now on?

Ummmmm

Had a nice long talk with Jess today. Very inspiring, and almost over my misery.

Good counsel work Jess! Two thumbs up and thanks! :) ♥

The talk was a relief and I never knew Jess went through so much, and that we were so similar in so many ways!

Things that I never ever had the courage to tell anyone just in case they misunderstand me.

Things even I didn't believe and doubted myself.

Thanks to Jess the burden is gone.

GONEEEE HAHAHAHAHA.

ANDDDDD I realized something huge.

Something I never knew.

Something you could say I've waited for so long I gave up the hope of hoping it would happen.

And to think that I stopped hoping 2 years ago and got myself into all this chaos and hurt and confusion just because of this TEENY WEENY thing I didn't know.

In my form 2 days, I absolutely adore Gillian.

In my eyes, she's just this perfect friend but she was always so close to angie that I kept thinking I am like a third wheel.

I still loved her (friendly kinda love) as my best-est friend but I dare not have any hope that she will treat me back as one.

It was more like a dream most unlikely to happen.

I gave up totally when she was in K3F the year after that, and she seemed so happy with her gang of friends OH YEAH that I sort of cut myself off her and went to look for someone else that got me into this chaotic mess.

IF only I knew I was equally as important to her, I guess our friendship would have blossomed so much everyone would be jealous of us two. We would have been so much happier. Ughhhh why didn't she tell me back then D':

Well I guess I didn't too oh well.

How did I know you may ask?

Turns out she told Jess about how I am her number one best friend since f2 and I was like omg seriously me too but I didn't know!

What a waste of almost two years. Oh well, fate!

I have no idea my talk with Jess made me happier, more confused or frustrated.

Huh.

I've already built up walls around my heart.

What is life if there were no balloons?

#quote_of_the_day

One day free from my phone. AWESOME.

That was pure awesomeness.

I didn't have to worry about seeing anything that might hurt my feelings, or afraid of knowing what others are talking about related to me.

Cos I have NO PHONE.

HAH.

Yes I still care what the others think about me. To be honest, I recently realized after this incident, that I have a big ego.

Not in a bad way, nope, but I can't stand the thought of myself being not perfect, aside from the fact that I am an extremely lazy person.

And I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT accept if anybody thinks I'm not good enough.

Of course yes, nobody is perfect, but I want to be as perfect as possible.

Screw Virgo.

BEING A PERFECTIONIST SUCKS.

Anyway, I know life isn't all about how people see you and caring about what they say about you.

However, it wouldn't be life if no one isn't saying anything about you. That would summarize your life as NO LIFE. So a critic or two is definitely unavoidable.

Concerning that 'idgaf' thing people are talking about all the time, I cannot fully agree.

At times, yes, why care what a few people say about you? You're already good enough to most. But think about it. If majority of the people dislike you, maybe you DO have a problem.

The problem is, nobody is telling me the truth. I just know it. (Screw Virgo again. Their sixth sense are almost accurate.)

Nobody is telling me how bad the rumours are out there.

No one is telling me if most of my friends are on my side, doubting me, or don't believe me.

I am literally oblivious to everything and I have no idea what to do!

I know they are trying to protect me. They don't wanna hurt me.

But I'd prefer if you hurt me with the truth and not comfort me with a lie.

Cos I can detect lies. I literally have a radar to detect it right inside my brain.

Kidding.

Well.... yeah this is getting depressing.

ps. I know I said I won't be updating often but I just can't help it. No social networks at all lehhhh. Gotta start studying la hahahaha ;)

Bye blog.

Heyyyy.

Don't be sad my dear viewers!

I am not deleting my blog la.

Just that I am gonna give my phone to my parents and let them keep it for me.

My phone has been slowly eating away my life.

I'm like literally obsessed with it and it is SO NOT A GOOD THING.

soooo I won't be updating so often lo.

No worries! I will be back!

Just I think after the finals.

I'm just sick of all social medias.

Except for my blog cos only worthy people read them.

Since I can't delete any of my social media accounts or I will look like I am just pathetically ashamed and dare not face the world, I decided to give up my phone lo.

At least this way,

I still don't have to "see" all the crap happening.

I will be able to calm myself down, and maybe pray more lo haha :p

so yeah that's all for today.

Just feeling disappointed.

Church is just amazing.

Sad?

You find comfort.

Lonely?

You find friends.

Angry?

You find peace.

Lost?

GOD will lead the way :)

How bad can this September be?

It had gone from bad

TO WORSE.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I just feel like screaming my lungs out now.

I didn't expect breakdown to come so soon.

TODAY WAS THE LAST STRAW.

Now, everyone thinks I'm an attention whore!

Like seriously!

And I am not.

Yes I take selcas

Yes I post them on insta

But trust me.

I would NEVER EVER self promote.

Like seriously, who does that??!

As if I am sooooo dumb.

Damn you freaking people.

Would I actually create an account and shoutout myself?

Maybe.

BUT WOULD I BE SO DUMB TO ACTUALLY LINK IT TO MY FUCKING FACEBOOK AND SHOW IT TO THE WORLD SO PEOPLE WILL HUMILIATE ME WTF.

I don't feel sorry for saying this.

I was hacked la pleaseee.

How would I know someone would use my FB account and do stuff like that...

But why me?

I try so hard to be nice to everyone.

I just want a simple happy life.

Is this what I get in return?

Damn.

And my friends.

My closest friends.

They actually believed those fucking rumours and spread them.

Saying they are disappointed in me.

I AM THE DISAPPOINTED ONE OKAY BITCHES.

Imagine this! If you were me, and all those famous famous popular gossipers were all gossiping about you, saying something untrue about you, would you be humiliated enough already?

And to think I have to bear the pain of my close friends doubting me and ACTUALLY believing those fucking rumours.

OUCH.

I'm feeling sick now. Like physically, and emotionally.

I have fever.

I don't want and also dare not trust anymore.

Anytime, someone will just stab you from the back and be the hypocrite and say I stabbed myself.

Am I crazy?

Would I do such a thing to humiliate and hurt myself?

Thanks to my classmates though Carmen Yong Chyi Apple Zhilin XinEn.

They trusted me.

And to Jiayi too. Thanks for believing in me without having me to explain.

Also to Mark Choo my lovely Godbrother. I also didn't have to explain yet you believed :)

And of course there's many many more la

Haih

The others

Friends pulak.

When trouble comes,

ALL RUN AWAY.

Especially you JANE.

Never would I have thought you would be one of them.

Imma back.

Ok. My original plan wasn't to post this.

Honestly, I already have a post all drafted out but I just don't feel like posting it anymore.

It was about my previous hols and now that I think about it, it had been over so long!

So nope. Not gonna post it.

So Imma post about some recent stuff.

Gosh.

I've been feeling kinda stressed out these days.

Its like I've been having jet lag, cos for the past one month, I sleep at 2am in the morning and wake up at 5.30am to get ready for school.

Not that I don't wanna go to bed earlier. Just that I will toss and turn for a whole 2 hours before I can actually fall asleep.

So I'm literally exhausted to the max these days.

I have to rush my moral folio and accounts project in time for its deadline too. With my current condition, and all the work I have to do, it's a wonder I'm still alive.

I'm like a zombie.

Maybe worse.

I've been worrying about my studies too.

It's my finals soon, and to be honest, I haven't touched any of my books.

THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. SERIOUS.

I regret it so. I really do. But its already too late!

Is it?

I hope not. But deep down I know the answer.

All these stress lead me to even deeper and negative thoughts.

I have always been an optimist. I'm always full of positive energy. But when I start to get into deep thought, and all of my troubles come to me all at once, there's no turning back.

I might sit there for a couple o' hours, and I can't even manage a smile.

The worst? I will have a mental breakdown.

I always have mental breakdowns every now and then.

When the weight of it all is too much for me to handle, it will come crashing down on me all at once, and a breakdown is the only thing that can ease the pain.

It has been a long time since my last breakdown.

I'm dreading my next.

I hope it wouldn't come so soon but... who knows?

Well well well.

On a lighter tone, I feel kinda proud these two days.

Zhilin started to have an interest in English romance books and I feel so proud cos I was the one who made it happen muahahahahaha.

*note* she doesn't read. At all.

I hope this will kindle her interest in books and her English would improve?

I just love helping people improve their English.

I don't know why.

Anywayyyyyy,

I've posted long enough.

I have to grab a cuppa coffee.

So ciao!

ps. I was nominated by the AWESOME, EVER PRETTY WANCHI for the Liebster awards thingy but I'm just too busy and lazy to do it so yeah that's all. Sorry ;)

Stay tuned ;) and sorrieeeee

Gonna update soon so stay tuned.

Sorry for neglecting ma blog.

But I still can't promise I will update more frequently in the future.

I'm sure you people understand! :)

ps. I'm still very sorry.

Exams

Oh no exams are coming.

And I haven't studied yet.

I took the time to change my blog header and stuff,

Instead of studying.

Dang it.

What to do??!

Boohoohoohooo *sobs*

BTW, what do you think about it?

I mean the header.

Let me know!! Hahahah

I think I'm gonna flunk this test.

Like I said, it's only a test.

I will try my very very best next time.

Then I will get outstanding results and the world would be happy!

Hahahaha

My alter ego just told me to dream on.

Yes, my alter ego.

The negative side of me.

MY MR. HYDE.

hahaha just kidding!

But seriously, I will have these voices in my head giving me negative comments.

Wet blankets.

Sigh.

Anyways, if you can, pray for me!

I'm in serious need of prayers, school-wise, family-wise and friendship-wise.

Thank you if you do!

I wanna go get some ice cream now.

And I haven't been doing sit ups for two days.

Fatttt go awayyyyyy

OK bye

Minions???!!!!

Minion craze!

Bananaaaaa

Potatoooo

Whaaaat?!

Everyone is crazy over minions!

Oh nooooo

I don't hate minions,

But seriously,

They are getting too much attention!

Minions are sold out everywhere

McDonald's, gift shops,

Literally everywhere!

I seriously don't get it  ~>_<~

Yeah they are cute and stuff

But is all that attention really necessary?

For one, they are not even the main characters!

I saw them on the news this afternoon and that's what inspired me to write this post.

I think it's too much...

People! Wake up!!!!

WAKE UP!!!

Stop the mainstream-ness people! (Is that even a word?)

....

Okay this is something totally irrelevant.

Nowadays people are being too mainstream.

Then the hipsters came along,

And thus the "hipster trend" started.

So now, according to friends of mine,

It is too mainstream to be a hipster now.

Like.... whaaaaaat?

This world is turning upside down

Literally.

Haters

Do not get me wrong.

It is not me receiving hate from "I-am-too-free-so-imma-hate-on-you" people.

But my friend is.

And you know what?

I don't usually say this but

FUCK THAT.

Sorry but I am seriously pissed!

It is not fair.

If you know someone personally and you hate that person,

I cannot argue.

It is your opinion and your conclusion after your observation.

Lol that sounded like a science experiment.

Back to the point.

But if you never knew that someone, and you just blindly judge them by what they wear, what they do and what they say,

You are just a damn retard with no brain.

And that is a serious insult cos even retards have brains.

And what I am implying is that you don't.

Take that sucker!!

*punch in the face*

Jokes aside,

Seriously, everyone deserves a second chance

But by hating on someone just by your first impression

You are not even giving a chance.

So be wise.

Walk a mile in their shoes before you make a conclusion.

But if you find it too tiring to walk a mile

Then sit back and observe.

Eat popcorn if you have to.

And to all those who has haters,
Don't worry!

You will still have friends that will back you up no matter what.

Friends that will stick up for you till the very end.

The ones that will pick you up when you fall.

But if no one is helping you,

You might have to ponder.

Do you deserve all the hate you are getting?

OK this is sounding like a lecture now I'm gonna go lol bye

Like... seriously?

Lol! Today, my friends are getting kinda crazy.

They were talking about matchmaking people, pairing couples.

Haha it was hilarious!

XinEn is supposedly "coupled" with her Phun Phun,

While Carmen is with her MC  ;)

Then after that, it wasn't enough!

They had to bring Zhilin into the picture,

And the poor Zhilin is paired with BC.

LOL!

They tried finding someone to pair me up with, but nahhh they won't find one.

I won't let them, and besides, they don't know the people I know!

It was a super funny day.

And a day that got me broke like hell.

Oh noooo

I have to share Zhilin 's present since her birthday is approaching,

I have to pay for starwalk,

I have to pay for an online skirt I bought,

And there's still more!

I have like altogether 7 or 8 more presents that I still have to buy cos most of my friends' mums decided to have their babies born at this time of the year.

Damn.

Anyways, I am broke now, and I can't even afford to eat during recess.

Though I still do it cos I love eating and I just simply can't resist food.

And I am always hungry these days.

Dunno why.

I seriously need to start working out again.

Me so fattttt D':

sit ups, pushups

and also some exercises that can improve my stamina.

I need to play volleyball and one senior of mine told me that the secret to great volleyball skills is to have good stamina.

I plan to keep this a secret to my friends.

I want it to be like my secret weapon ●﹏●

So hush if you see this!

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh