Thursday, 25 October 2012

It continues

Everything continues to be in a depressing state.

And I hate my life.

I hate it.

Why does every single thing have to be so confusing.

Isn't there one day when I can live normally?

Yesterday, I had a mental breakdown.

It was awful.

I couldn't think straight.

My brain isn't functioning.

And I can't just put my hand at my heart and say All Is Well.

It isn't.

And that would be a lie not even my heart would believe.

It is way too broken.

Nothing seems right.

My world overturned.

No one was there for me.

Well yes there are a few people, people who care a lot for me, those people that were with me all along, those I least expect.

The ones I thought that would stick to me till the end.

They're gone.

Nowhere to be found.


And the one I need, finally got in touch with me.

And hasn't replied until now.

Leaving me confused.

Hurting like hell.

My home is a living hell hole.

I have no one to talk to.

To be honest, I talk to myself in the mirror and also to my bolster.

If they were alive, I bet they would be my best friends.

The ones who know me best.

I tell them everything.


I'm pretty insane huh?

I used to have a go-to-person, but now, that person is sorta gone.

Vanished into thin air.

No wait I know she's there, but just refusing to acknowledge my existence.


Why do that to me?

What have I done?

Is this God punishing me for all I've done?

If yes it is, I'd rather him punish me by giving me some sort of sickness that has no cure to it.

I'd rather die.

But just not this.

I need my best friend back.

I don't get it, why is everything so damn complicated?

Why can't we just be friends like we used to?

When we had so much fun?

Why on earth does jealousy have to interfere and make so much complications?

And make everything so hard?

And those damn period problems too, making everyone such an emotional wreck.

Just realized Jealousy and Period could bring suicide.

Yes suicide.

I'm seriously considering that lately.

It would be great if I could just escape from it all.

But I will still try to hang on.

I will try my best.

But I need help.


Tuesday, 23 October 2012


So I'm back again on my blog, with a depressing mood.

I had no where to let go of my feelings okay?

And if you know me really well, you'd sure know I'm someone who takes care of my own image, I won't let anyone see me being crumpled up easily.

You might be wondering, then why on earth am I posting this post for the whole world to see?

Because I know nobody actually views my blog, and my friends who know about my blog don't do blogging anymore, and even if some random stranger stumbles upon my blog, he/she wouldn't know who I am.

You don't know who I am, do ya?


Lately, I feel like life is all just one BIG FAT LIE.

I'm sick of everything.

And so damn tired. 

My life had been turned upside-down AGAIN.

I hate that.

Is it really true that nothing lasts forever?

Why is everything bothering me so much?

I know I shouldn't care from the start, but why did I do it and now, to get hurt so deeply?

I should've taken my heart's advice.

But I didn't.

Serves me right.

Why is everybody doing this to me?

Is it me that's in the wrong, or is it their problem?

Nothing's right.

It was still like yesterday when I was in wonderland, and now BOOM I'm in a living hell.

And me friend asked me, "I know you're hurting right now, by why are you still smiling? Isn't it difficult?"


I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life.

I do that to everybody, except for that one person.

I trusted that person.

I can only reveal my true self, the crumbling, broken self to that person.

But now, that person is keeping a distance away from me.


Is it something that I did?

Did I do anything wrong?

I didn't know.

That person apologized to me a million times, telling me not to be mad, but seriously, I AM NOT.

Yet, that person would apologize, not talk to me, then apologize to me again.

One person can only take it so many times you know.

I wanted to give up, I'm so tired of all these.

But I can't.

I'm so positive that person's the one, my one and truly best friend, I cannot let go.

Part of me is urging myself to let it go but another part of me is asking me to hang on.

I'm so tired, I'm going crazy.

I'm hoping numbness would wash over me, but it didn't.

Depression is back stronger than ever.

It never did left, but when I spent time with that person, the happiest days we've had together, the wonderful memories, I can feel depression slowly creeping away.

But now, whenever I think of those days, I feel worse. 

Tears are just rolling out of my eyes, I can't do anything to stop it.

I don't know if I can hang on any longer, but I have to.

I need to let that person know I'll always be there for that person.

I'm not like that person's pervious friends that left her alone.

I actually made a vow before.

I just cannot break it right?

Someone please save me.

I'm already in pieces, yet I'm still breaking.

I can only pray to God to rescue me. 

Please do it God, I beg you.

Other than God, the only person that could save me from this misery is my best friend.

I really do need her.

Sorry for the rant.


Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Back in the Block xD or should i say Blog?? lol


Yeah i've been a really really really lazy girl, not updating ANYTHING.

Well now i'm in my "hardworking" mood again so here i am!! VOILA!! xD

I sound a little crazy don't I....

Well i gotta admit it.

I am.

I'm crazy over a SUPER-MEGA-AWESOME boy band....

OneDirection!!!! <3

Especially a certain someone in the band.


OMG he's like so ADORABLE!!!

Okay enough with all my craziness.

So, as i said, i have been lazy, only doing other stuff.

What did i do then?

Well for a change, i actually do my homework.


Yeah, i was pretty much shocked myself.

But this year is EXAM year *thunder rolling*

So i figured it's time for me to get a little serious.

WOW i've never been serious for like how long?


Anyways, other than homework, i'm kinda like addicted to my mum's new HTC. (oh why can't that phone be mine!!)

I keep on downloading apps (including an app on One Direction),

Songs (One Direction songs),

Pictures (Still One Direction!!),

and some pretty lame stuff ( i forgot what i deleted those).

So my mum got real mad at me 'cause i'm always disappearing away with her phone and she'll be hunting for it like mad so one day she said this.

"You can never ever touch my phone again!!" *gasp*

Haha as if i've ever cared.

I still use it pretty much,

Everyday to be exact.

Oh yeah and lately i've been going on Twitter again!!

I's kinda boring, but in a fun way. ( i know what i'm saying but i don't know how to say it so i guess you'll never understand 'cause i don't even understand what i just said)

ok, now i'm kinda running out of stuff to say so...

See ya!! xD