So I'm back again on my blog, with a depressing mood.
I had no where to let go of my feelings okay?
And if you know me really well, you'd sure know I'm someone who takes care of my own image, I won't let anyone see me being crumpled up easily.
You might be wondering, then why on earth am I posting this post for the whole world to see?
Because I know nobody actually views my blog, and my friends who know about my blog don't do blogging anymore, and even if some random stranger stumbles upon my blog, he/she wouldn't know who I am.
You don't know who I am, do ya?
Lately, I feel like life is all just one BIG FAT LIE.
I'm sick of everything.
And so damn tired.
My life had been turned upside-down AGAIN.
I hate that.
Is it really true that nothing lasts forever?
Why is everything bothering me so much?
I know I shouldn't care from the start, but why did I do it and now, to get hurt so deeply?
I should've taken my heart's advice.
But I didn't.
Serves me right.
Why is everybody doing this to me?
Is it me that's in the wrong, or is it their problem?
It was still like yesterday when I was in wonderland, and now BOOM I'm in a living hell.
And me friend asked me, "I know you're hurting right now, by why are you still smiling? Isn't it difficult?"
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life.
I do that to everybody, except for that one person.
I trusted that person.
I can only reveal my true self, the crumbling, broken self to that person.
But now, that person is keeping a distance away from me.
Is it something that I did?
Did I do anything wrong?
I didn't know.
That person apologized to me a million times, telling me not to be mad, but seriously, I AM NOT.
Yet, that person would apologize, not talk to me, then apologize to me again.
One person can only take it so many times you know.
I wanted to give up, I'm so tired of all these.
But I can't.
I'm so positive that person's the one, my one and truly best friend, I cannot let go.
Part of me is urging myself to let it go but another part of me is asking me to hang on.
I'm so tired, I'm going crazy.
I'm hoping numbness would wash over me, but it didn't.
Depression is back stronger than ever.
It never did left, but when I spent time with that person, the happiest days we've had together, the wonderful memories, I can feel depression slowly creeping away.
But now, whenever I think of those days, I feel worse.
Tears are just rolling out of my eyes, I can't do anything to stop it.
I don't know if I can hang on any longer, but I have to.
I need to let that person know I'll always be there for that person.
I'm not like that person's pervious friends that left her alone.
I actually made a vow before.
I just cannot break it right?
Someone please save me.
I'm already in pieces, yet I'm still breaking.
I can only pray to God to rescue me.
Please do it God, I beg you.
Other than God, the only person that could save me from this misery is my best friend.
I really do need her.
Sorry for the rant.