Monday, 23 September 2013


Sorry peepo. Another rant here D:

This blog has became a place for me to release all my anger, frustration, sadness, emotions...

In a nutshell,


haha kidding! :p

But seriously.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda stressed, and emotionally, I don't feel really well.

I'm tired of smiling everyday.

I'm tired of trying to be the perfect friend.

I'm tired of telling people I'm fine.

I'm tired of helping people wether I want it or not.

I'm tired of letting people down.

I'm tired of life.

I'm tired of people telling me what to do.

I'm tired of receiving glances from people judging me.

I'm tired of comforting myself.

I'm tired of staying strong.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired of being who I am.

I'm lost.


Hastily trying to patch myself up before anyone sees my brokenness.

A desperate cover up.

A plastered smile.

So frail and fragile.

Slight push and I fell.

Pieces broken into smaller fragments.

The cycle continues.


Okay I know I sound dramatic.

Sorry :p

I might have exaggerated a LITTLE BIT

But I did feel so much better.

I seriously don't know how to talk and express myself to people.

I am much much better with words.

But yeah this isn't much.

My English isn't perfect yet I have to strive harder.

It's still a long way to go but


It is my dream kay, don't judge me.

And talking about English, my essay got a (sort of) GOOD! from my super crazy strict brainless crappy English teacher.

It is a compliment no doubt.

But I don't know am I supposed to be proud or not.

On a different topic....

I received amazing presents from my beloved friends this year!

Thanks everyone :'D

I felt really touched.

And now I've started to worry what can I do to repay all that *boohoohooohooo*

Yuppppppp gotta stop now.

Feeling sleepy.

Nights people. zzZZ

ps. I know its not night yet. But I'm sleepy and tired.

Monday, 16 September 2013

Badabing badabum

Hahaha my title has no relation to what I am about to post.

In fact, it does not relate to anything!

Just random as usual.

It was a wonderful weekend for me. With my church loves ♥

Want a little introduction to who are my loves in church?

Like it or not I'm posting it :p

i don't mean to be mean ,
but i don't love every single one of them. A few la haha :p

but these are the people lo. What wonderful memories i have with them ! ♥

just overall, i had an enjoyable weekend. Everyday was used to the fullest and it was very meaningful and fruitful :)

i wish i can graduate faster and quickly get to drive :3 

so i can go to church everyday and see my besties and everyone i love !

omg i feel so loved. I feel like loving people too haha.

want some of my love too? ;)

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Wednesday, 11 September 2013


Another update. Am I gonna update every day from now on?


Had a nice long talk with Jess today. Very inspiring, and almost over my misery.

Good counsel work Jess! Two thumbs up and thanks! :) ♥

The talk was a relief and I never knew Jess went through so much, and that we were so similar in so many ways!

Things that I never ever had the courage to tell anyone just in case they misunderstand me.

Things even I didn't believe and doubted myself.

Thanks to Jess the burden is gone.


ANDDDDD I realized something huge.

Something I never knew.

Something you could say I've waited for so long I gave up the hope of hoping it would happen.

And to think that I stopped hoping 2 years ago and got myself into all this chaos and hurt and confusion just because of this TEENY WEENY thing I didn't know.

In my form 2 days, I absolutely adore Gillian.

In my eyes, she's just this perfect friend but she was always so close to angie that I kept thinking I am like a third wheel.

I still loved her (friendly kinda love) as my best-est friend but I dare not have any hope that she will treat me back as one.

It was more like a dream most unlikely to happen.

I gave up totally when she was in K3F the year after that, and she seemed so happy with her gang of friends OH YEAH that I sort of cut myself off her and went to look for someone else that got me into this chaotic mess.

IF only I knew I was equally as important to her, I guess our friendship would have blossomed so much everyone would be jealous of us two. We would have been so much happier. Ughhhh why didn't she tell me back then D':

Well I guess I didn't too oh well.

How did I know you may ask?

Turns out she told Jess about how I am her number one best friend since f2 and I was like omg seriously me too but I didn't know!

What a waste of almost two years. Oh well, fate!

I have no idea my talk with Jess made me happier, more confused or frustrated.


I've already built up walls around my heart.

What is life if there were no balloons?

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

One day free from my phone. AWESOME.

That was pure awesomeness.

I didn't have to worry about seeing anything that might hurt my feelings, or afraid of knowing what others are talking about related to me.

Cos I have NO PHONE.


Yes I still care what the others think about me. To be honest, I recently realized after this incident, that I have a big ego.

Not in a bad way, nope, but I can't stand the thought of myself being not perfect, aside from the fact that I am an extremely lazy person.

And I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT accept if anybody thinks I'm not good enough.

Of course yes, nobody is perfect, but I want to be as perfect as possible.

Screw Virgo.


Anyway, I know life isn't all about how people see you and caring about what they say about you.

However, it wouldn't be life if no one isn't saying anything about you. That would summarize your life as NO LIFE. So a critic or two is definitely unavoidable.

Concerning that 'idgaf' thing people are talking about all the time, I cannot fully agree.

At times, yes, why care what a few people say about you? You're already good enough to most. But think about it. If majority of the people dislike you, maybe you DO have a problem.

The problem is, nobody is telling me the truth. I just know it. (Screw Virgo again. Their sixth sense are almost accurate.)

Nobody is telling me how bad the rumours are out there.

No one is telling me if most of my friends are on my side, doubting me, or don't believe me.

I am literally oblivious to everything and I have no idea what to do!

I know they are trying to protect me. They don't wanna hurt me.

But I'd prefer if you hurt me with the truth and not comfort me with a lie.

Cos I can detect lies. I literally have a radar to detect it right inside my brain.


Well.... yeah this is getting depressing.

ps. I know I said I won't be updating often but I just can't help it. No social networks at all lehhhh. Gotta start studying la hahahaha ;)

Monday, 9 September 2013

Bye blog.


Don't be sad my dear viewers!

I am not deleting my blog la.

Just that I am gonna give my phone to my parents and let them keep it for me.

My phone has been slowly eating away my life.

I'm like literally obsessed with it and it is SO NOT A GOOD THING.

soooo I won't be updating so often lo.

No worries! I will be back!

Just I think after the finals.

I'm just sick of all social medias.

Except for my blog cos only worthy people read them.

Since I can't delete any of my social media accounts or I will look like I am just pathetically ashamed and dare not face the world, I decided to give up my phone lo.

At least this way,

I still don't have to "see" all the crap happening.

I will be able to calm myself down, and maybe pray more lo haha :p

so yeah that's all for today.

Just feeling disappointed.

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Church is just amazing.


You find comfort.


You find friends.


You find peace.


GOD will lead the way :)

Friday, 6 September 2013

How bad can this September be?

It had gone from bad



I just feel like screaming my lungs out now.

I didn't expect breakdown to come so soon.


Now, everyone thinks I'm an attention whore!

Like seriously!

And I am not.

Yes I take selcas

Yes I post them on insta

But trust me.

I would NEVER EVER self promote.

Like seriously, who does that??!

As if I am sooooo dumb.

Damn you freaking people.

Would I actually create an account and shoutout myself?



I don't feel sorry for saying this.

I was hacked la pleaseee.

How would I know someone would use my FB account and do stuff like that...

But why me?

I try so hard to be nice to everyone.

I just want a simple happy life.

Is this what I get in return?


And my friends.

My closest friends.

They actually believed those fucking rumours and spread them.

Saying they are disappointed in me.


Imagine this! If you were me, and all those famous famous popular gossipers were all gossiping about you, saying something untrue about you, would you be humiliated enough already?

And to think I have to bear the pain of my close friends doubting me and ACTUALLY believing those fucking rumours.


I'm feeling sick now. Like physically, and emotionally.

I have fever.

I don't want and also dare not trust anymore.

Anytime, someone will just stab you from the back and be the hypocrite and say I stabbed myself.

Am I crazy?

Would I do such a thing to humiliate and hurt myself?

Thanks to my classmates though Carmen Yong Chyi Apple Zhilin XinEn.

They trusted me.

And to Jiayi too. Thanks for believing in me without having me to explain.

Also to Mark Choo my lovely Godbrother. I also didn't have to explain yet you believed :)

And of course there's many many more la


The others

Friends pulak.

When trouble comes,


Especially you JANE.

Never would I have thought you would be one of them.

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Imma back.

Ok. My original plan wasn't to post this.

Honestly, I already have a post all drafted out but I just don't feel like posting it anymore.

It was about my previous hols and now that I think about it, it had been over so long!

So nope. Not gonna post it.

So Imma post about some recent stuff.


I've been feeling kinda stressed out these days.

Its like I've been having jet lag, cos for the past one month, I sleep at 2am in the morning and wake up at 5.30am to get ready for school.

Not that I don't wanna go to bed earlier. Just that I will toss and turn for a whole 2 hours before I can actually fall asleep.

So I'm literally exhausted to the max these days.

I have to rush my moral folio and accounts project in time for its deadline too. With my current condition, and all the work I have to do, it's a wonder I'm still alive.

I'm like a zombie.

Maybe worse.

I've been worrying about my studies too.

It's my finals soon, and to be honest, I haven't touched any of my books.


I regret it so. I really do. But its already too late!

Is it?

I hope not. But deep down I know the answer.

All these stress lead me to even deeper and negative thoughts.

I have always been an optimist. I'm always full of positive energy. But when I start to get into deep thought, and all of my troubles come to me all at once, there's no turning back.

I might sit there for a couple o' hours, and I can't even manage a smile.

The worst? I will have a mental breakdown.

I always have mental breakdowns every now and then.

When the weight of it all is too much for me to handle, it will come crashing down on me all at once, and a breakdown is the only thing that can ease the pain.

It has been a long time since my last breakdown.

I'm dreading my next.

I hope it wouldn't come so soon but... who knows?

Well well well.

On a lighter tone, I feel kinda proud these two days.

Zhilin started to have an interest in English romance books and I feel so proud cos I was the one who made it happen muahahahahaha.

*note* she doesn't read. At all.

I hope this will kindle her interest in books and her English would improve?

I just love helping people improve their English.

I don't know why.


I've posted long enough.

I have to grab a cuppa coffee.

So ciao!

ps. I was nominated by the AWESOME, EVER PRETTY WANCHI for the Liebster awards thingy but I'm just too busy and lazy to do it so yeah that's all. Sorry ;)

Monday, 2 September 2013

Stay tuned ;) and sorrieeeee

Gonna update soon so stay tuned.

Sorry for neglecting ma blog.

But I still can't promise I will update more frequently in the future.

I'm sure you people understand! :)

ps. I'm still very sorry.